or you can say that I "Haven't Met You Yet", either way, this is quickly becoming a lonely life. I have my family and my son, and I do love them very much (no one could ever replace them), but what about romantic love?
I seem to have the worst luck even when it comes to romantic love. I tried dating around, but looks like those guys just wanted to sleep around. Whatever, they got nothing, but I got free dinner..ha! Then there are those guys you have an amazing time with and just out of the clear blue sky, they stop talking to you. No explanation, no bye. Well, fuck you too, buddy. There are also those guys, the ones that claim the saying, "nice guys finish last". They are amazing people nonetheless, but you cannot make your heart fall in love with someone. You have to let your heart fall in love on it's own. Which sucks, because I could really use one of those guys. Then there are those guys that just seem too perfect to be true. Only one problem....
I use to be a hopeless romantic. I believed in love at first sight. I also fell head over heels quickly with these great guys, but all that led me to where I am now. Jaded. I am so over dating all the wrong guys that I'm just over looking. Or am I? I wish I was. I suppose deep down inside I am still a hopeless romantic, but I no longer believe it'll happen to me.
I miss having someone to talk to and if I'm having a terrible day, they do something sweet to cheer me up. I miss cuddling up during a movie or a show and just talking about it afterwards. I miss having that special someone.
That first magical kiss, that sparks the relationship. I miss the butterflies you get before you see him or the 10 million outfits you try on out of nerves. The first time you look into each others eyes and just completely be engulfed by who they are. I hugs, the kisses, the hand holding, and the sweet nothing you say to each other. I miss all that, but do I miss it enough to risk getting hurt again?
I've been hurt so many times.....damn me and my heart on my sleeve! I think it would be wonderful to have that special person, but logically it seems like it will never happen to me. I have bad luck in love. Always have. I'm cursed and/jinxed. Once I get excited over a boy (as much as I try to be cool about it, but fail miserably) it ends. It's hard enough to keep a guy interested once they realize you are a single mother, and then when you tell them you are a FULL TIME single mother. Dating isn't the same. I just can't get away any time I choose, nor can I just bring my son along. I never let them meet my son until I know they are really committed. I don't want to confuse my son.....but that has yet to happen. With my luck, I should be searching for a gay so I can be a fag hag rather then search for love. I think I'll have better luck at that.
They say everyone has their prince charming, so where is mine, and do I even want him to show up? I know I am ready to love again, but am I ready to risk getting hurt again? Am I? Is my sad, lonely romantic life worth me putting myself out there again?
Since my separation 3 yrs ago (not counting the "tries"), I have only had one real relationship. It didn't end well. I'm not ready to talk about what happened yet, but since then I just cannot get over being hurt. I'm too tired of being lonely though. My heart was broke, put back together, but missing one piece.....do I chance it and let someone in? Or do I just pretend I am too busy for all that silly love nonsense?
No, I'm 27 years old, and not getting any younger. I will not let my scars keep me from finding MY love. I deserve to be loved. I deserve to be happy. I know I am worth that much. I know I have a lot to give too. Lots of love, support and company. I may be a single mom, a student, and sometimes too jaded, but I too get lonely. So, now what? I suppose, I'll just keep on living my life, and let life figure all that love shit out for me. If you're meant to be with me, then it will happen. If not, then I suppose I will one day find the one meant for me. Being lonely sucks, but it'll have to do for now...
By the way, doesn't it make it harder on someone who is so lonely that they have to witness lovebirds doing their thing in public?? I don't mean, fuck them, if anything ....CONGRATS!!! It must be amazing to have that person to hold on to, but it just makes my heart sting that much more. If you have that special someone, don't forget to tell and show them how much you love them today and everyday. You're lucky to have each other. Also, do you have any awesome cute single friends? :-p
(Please don't forget, this has nothing to do with my family and my son. This has nothing to do with being lonely all the time, but in fact being romantically lonely.) Is it true that "You're Nobody Till Someone Loves You?" Well, meantime, I'll just Wait For You.....
