The beginning of this week I started to think about my love life and why I am without the love of my life. I started to blame myself. Do I not deserve to be loved? Am I not good enough for any guy or to be special to someone? What do I do wrong to fail in every relationship? I was feeling pretty damn pissed at myself. Why do I allow myself to fall head over heels so easily and why do I set myself up to be hurt?? I became the bitter jaded person I was months ago.
I realized something yesterday. What has happened was a blessing in disguise. It made me realize that nothing is wrong with me and if I haven't someone to be the love of my life isn't because I'm not good enough for anyone, but that they are not good enough for me. I am not ashamed to open myself up to someone I believe to be a potential love. I am a hopeless romantic, so what? I don't do anything wrong in a relationship, they are just not the ones for me. If I have to wait a lifetime to find the one, then I shouldn't feel bad because I know exactly what I need in man, and I know I have a lot of love to give. Being a hopeless romantic with tons of love to give makes me special. So now, I don't beat myself up over the fact that I am alone and I wake up every day with a smile on my face. You never know who will be captured with that smile. It's easier to be approached with a simple smile then giving out a bitter vibe.
I do not regret any of my relationships. As much as it hurts to know that they ended and sometimes the way they ended, I will keep the good times in my thoughts. Why? Because I remember how happy those moments made me, and I know one day I will have that again. That is one of the many reasons why I will no longer fear dating or fear getting hurt again.
Although I am no longer dwelling on the hurt, I have decided that I will no longer be looking for love. I will let love find me. Being 27 years old and not having that special one just means that it isn't my time yet. I will enjoy my life a day at a time and concentrate on my son, my goals, my health and my happiness.
I deserve to be loved, but I will not be sad that I am on my own at this moment. He will come one day, and he will be exactly what I deserve. Being a single, 24/7 mom, dating is a whole different ball game and he needs to know that if he wants to be with me, I am a 2 for 1 deal. The special one would see that as a plus and not as baggage.
I use to see love as an illness, but now I see it as a blessing.
1 comment:
I've read all of your old posts now, and I have to say this; things seem to be looking up. Your difficulties are still there, and as old ones improve you get new ones, but that's normal. Your outlook is more positive, and it should be! You are a loving, hard-working, beautiful person. A better life is possible, and you are making it real.
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