The beginning of this week I started to think about my love life and why I am without the love of my life. I started to blame myself. Do I not deserve to be loved? Am I not good enough for any guy or to be special to someone? What do I do wrong to fail in every relationship? I was feeling pretty damn pissed at myself. Why do I allow myself to fall head over heels so easily and why do I set myself up to be hurt?? I became the bitter jaded person I was months ago.
I realized something yesterday. What has happened was a blessing in disguise. It made me realize that nothing is wrong with me and if I haven't someone to be the love of my life isn't because I'm not good enough for anyone, but that they are not good enough for me. I am not ashamed to open myself up to someone I believe to be a potential love. I am a hopeless romantic, so what? I don't do anything wrong in a relationship, they are just not the ones for me. If I have to wait a lifetime to find the one, then I shouldn't feel bad because I know exactly what I need in man, and I know I have a lot of love to give. Being a hopeless romantic with tons of love to give makes me special. So now, I don't beat myself up over the fact that I am alone and I wake up every day with a smile on my face. You never know who will be captured with that smile. It's easier to be approached with a simple smile then giving out a bitter vibe.
I do not regret any of my relationships. As much as it hurts to know that they ended and sometimes the way they ended, I will keep the good times in my thoughts. Why? Because I remember how happy those moments made me, and I know one day I will have that again. That is one of the many reasons why I will no longer fear dating or fear getting hurt again.
Although I am no longer dwelling on the hurt, I have decided that I will no longer be looking for love. I will let love find me. Being 27 years old and not having that special one just means that it isn't my time yet. I will enjoy my life a day at a time and concentrate on my son, my goals, my health and my happiness.
I deserve to be loved, but I will not be sad that I am on my own at this moment. He will come one day, and he will be exactly what I deserve. Being a single, 24/7 mom, dating is a whole different ball game and he needs to know that if he wants to be with me, I am a 2 for 1 deal. The special one would see that as a plus and not as baggage.
I use to see love as an illness, but now I see it as a blessing.
