Oh man, oh man! So much is going on that I feel like losing my mind. My stress rash has started up (YAY!), and panic attacks are very near. Anxiety is so crazy right now. Crazy how some of life's moments can do this to me.
So I start school tomorrow. No biggie, since I've been in school, right? Wrong. Very, very wrong! I've been doing school online from VC and OC. Why? Because my anxiety has been keeping me from going on campus. So much so that this year has been the first year I actually been on campus to deal with my major and books. Weird huh? I suppose I am weird. Not only do I start my first on campus class tomorrow (aside from two others online), I still haven't been able to come up with enough money to buy my books. School has still managed to fuck up my financial aid, so, tomorrow I get to go earlier then my class, go to financial aid for the 5th time this semester and fix their mistakes, bookstore, orientation for one of my online class, and then my first on campus class. That is why my stress level and anxiety level are soooooo high right now. I literally feel like someone is standing on my chest! My stress rash doesn't help. It's so damn itchy that I can't help but scratch it. You might think that is not enough to make someone so nervous, and maybe you are right....so what else is going on?
My son starts preschool next week. I know it'll give me a lot more time to do my homework (my on campus class is in the evening and only twice a week), but I cannot help and feel so emotional. Now, you may justify my anxiety and stress. First day of school for my baby. I cannot believe he is getting so big, so fast! Another first I get to add to his book. So crazy to think about it. I know I'm going to cry, and he will probably go run to his new classmates and not care. Hahahaha. He loves being around other kids. Although I know he will be fine, I cannot help but feel very very worried he will cry. I doubt it though. He is super excited about starting school anyways.
So you can imagine, with all this going on, my anxiety and stress on the brink of doing major damage to me. Panic attacks are about to start. I hate those. I get really bad panic attacks, and the last thing I can do is take a pill during the day when I know I have to drive around. No bueno. My emotions are like a freaking roller coaster right now. Happy, sad, mad, worried, stressed.....etc. It is crazy. I'm gonna lose it. I know I am. Only thing keeping me sane right now is the birthday party we will be going to soon. Oh, did I mention I have no gas or money to get to and from school? So much to worry about! So much! It has to get better. It just has to. Otherwise, what's the point? Right?
I really hope it all turns out alright, but I doubt it. With my luck, it'll probably get worse. I just know it.......I suppose this is where I say FML major!
