Living Each Day Like You're Already Dead

Wowzers! It's been forever since I last posted. I've been soooo busy that I just couldn't find the time to post. I have a few updates for you guys.

First of all, school is going great for both myself and my son. I have A's in all 3 classes and my son loves being in school. I'm finally use to my son being gone and taking full advantage by getting ahead in my classes. Not a bad deal :) I no longer get anxiety when I go to my on campus class. I love it! I also finally found the guts to start convos with a few classmates. Totally helps my confidence! My son is also making new friends. He is no longer shy and prefers to play with other kids then being a loner. He even has a best friend....which just happens to be the cutest little girl in the class lol. They are inseparable. It's super cute. I love volunteering in his class too. I always have a little group of kids that follow me around. Makes me happy to be there and be admired by them. 

Although I still have a hard time accepting that a few of my loved ones are gone, I am coping much better. I miss them dearly, but learning to celebrate their lives rather then dwell on them being gone. 

I miss my dad tons, but hopefully we get to go visit him soon. I can't wait!

My family and a few friends have noticed a change in me. Even my dad commented on how I sound happy now. Well, I am! I still have those stressful moments that I might say, "FML".....but overall, I'm content. Especially since I've met people that make me happy. I find myself smiling all day and even catch myself day dreaming about happy thoughts, thanks to them. You know who you are ;-) I'm also weeding out the ones that start drama and only bring me down. I only need and want positive people in my life :)

The situation with my back is still in limbo. I've been getting epidurals, and lots of tests that only stress me out and frustrate me. I am tired of all this running around with my insurance, but I kinda see it as a sign that maybe the timing isn't best for me at this moment. I'm starting to accept it, but when I'm in tons of pain and need to take meds, well I get depressed. Fuck it, I still manage to get my shit done. I will be applying for disability again, and hopefully this time they won't decline. I'm starting to think the reason why my insurance decline my surgery and SSA decline my disability application is because of my age. Maybe they think I'm too young....which I completely agree on. Which again, is very frustrating. Oh well.

I really hope my luck and life have changed for the better as it seems like it has. I really do think I deserve some good in my life after the horrible past 3 1/2 yrs.

Oh and the most important thing I forgot to mention!!!!!!!! I AM OFFICIALLY LEGALLY SEPARATED!!!! Heck yeah!!!!! We still have to go thru the custody and support, but it all defaulted to my favor since he didn't pay his fees and was rejected. We talked and I told him that after everything he put us thru, the least he can do is just agree with everything I asked for and pay for Prime Tricare again(which I am being extremely fair about even tho he does not deserve it, buuuut I don't want to fight), . He agreed. We'll see if he goes thru with it. Let's hope he does!

I'm taking full advantage of my opportunities and making positive steps. I'm quite proud of myself and how far I've come so far. Life had made me it's bitch, but now I'm making life my bitch :-P "Living Each Day Like You're Already Dead"......but I prefer to think about living each day like I'm dying. 

Oh, I'm thinking about selling Scentsy for extra income....any advice??

I just gotta say that I love ya guys and appreciate that you take time to read my blog! Don't forget to leave comments and check out the ads!!! Here's to a new outlook on life!!! Cheers!

 

Five Vicodin Chased With A Shot Of Clarity

So, it's been a while since I posted. I've been incredibly busy with my classes. I knew I would be pretty busy for the Fall semester, but I didn't think  it would be this busy. I think the fact that my son just started school, may be the reason why I'm so busy. School is going good for the two of us. My son hasn't cried in school, and my anxiety goes away after the first 5 minutes of class. So far so good :) 

My health issues are still there, but I try not to let it hinder me...otherwise, I wouldn't be able to get anything done. I do beat myself up because I can't work. I would give anything for the opportunity to have a real job. Unfortunately, I'm unable to at this time. Kinda makes me feel like a failure. I know I shouldn't feel that way, because I never stop trying to be the best, but not being able to work def makes it harder. I finally had a new MRI done and a nerve test. I should be getting those results soon, especially because I will be getting another epidural soon....yay. 

I need to make time for more fun, but how can I have fun if I have no money? Damn gas prices! I can't complain much, I have def been having more fun lately. I'm even meeting new people from my class. Pretty awesome. I needed that. I needed to get out of the house.

There are other stuff going on too. Good and bad, but I think I'll save those details when things are more concrete. For now, I'm just enjoying being busy, enjoying my time with my son, enjoying my time with friends and enjoying school. I suppose I can't complain much :-p